These being said, I have to note that obsessing about my weight has never been a component of my daily routine, still I need to be honest and recognize the existing issue. No, I am not talking about having 1-2 extra pounds; I am considering more than 20-30 extra pounds. I am not ashamed about my weight gain yet I am not comfortable either.
As a consequence, sometimes I feel trapped in a foreign body: heavier, shapeless, misrepresenting. Other times, I feel people observing at me as if I am the laziest person they've ever met. Little they suppose that I am exercising, eating healthy and measuring my portions, counting hours in between meals, planning etc; or that I am paying more attention to these things than they probably do.
Furthermore, I am blaming myself for allowing my body to become this big; at that moment I rationalize all the little things that have been working together to bring it at this point. At the same time, I can find a blame for whoever and whatever, however I must admit that I share the fault for this situation. Maybe that extra cupcake that I've had; maybe that ice-cream in the middle of the night; maybe the lack of mood for running one morning; I was there and I could've changed something about it.
In conclusion, yes! I treasure myself! I care about myself that much that I can't say "I am just curvy, I feel normal". I love myself enough to accept who I am today, I acknowledge that I am living with a version of myself that needs considerable amounts of work and determination.
Nevertheless, loving myself doesn't equal starving or hurting my body/mind in any way; love doesn't involve hate - not even hating my body. This kind of love means healthy choices, exercise, happiness and relaxation.
I am willing to work on it.
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