Ways to Change

For a long time I had been thinking that I was not an athlete this was why the need to put any effort into exercising, even less into running seemed unjustified. Part of the problem was that I have always been the slowest runner I knew. When playing with my friends, nobody wanted to team with me for games that involved physical activities. In school, I had disastrous results in Physical Education. As a consequence, I convinced myself that exercising was just a time loss and gave up.

A while ago, I figured out that I don't have to be a performer, that I could run for myself;  that I could track my achievements and feel better about myself. I am not fast, I can't run a 10k (I am working on a 5k) however, I am doing it and I am proud of myself.

Today, I have found a video that is extremely motivating for me. Actually, I have found a lady that can help with self esteem and success. Instinctively, I've done the things she's presenting, still I am glad that I found her and I can work more consciously on these things.

Here she is:

I like her ideas and I think it is a positive input that might cause changes at different levels of my life, including exercising.

I should love myself the way I am...

... numerous people have been telling me. I should accept myself, I should be grateful for being a  very healthy person, I should really love myself just the way I am. My answer has always been the same:  I love myself so much that I have been honest. Honest to myself. I love being me, most of the time. Until I get dressed, gaze into a mirror; or run; or shop for clothes.

These being said, I have to note that obsessing about my weight has never been a component of my daily routine, still I need to be honest and recognize  the existing issue. No, I am not talking about having 1-2 extra pounds; I am considering more than 20-30 extra pounds. I am not ashamed about my weight gain yet I am not comfortable either.

As a consequence, sometimes I feel trapped in a foreign body: heavier, shapeless, misrepresenting. Other times, I feel people observing at me as if I am the laziest person they've ever met. Little they suppose that I am exercising, eating healthy and measuring my portions, counting hours in between meals, planning etc; or that I am paying more attention to these things than they probably do.

Furthermore, I am blaming myself for allowing my body to become this big; at that moment I rationalize all the little things that have been working together to bring it at this point. At the same time, I can find a blame for whoever and whatever, however I  must admit that I share the fault for this situation. Maybe that extra cupcake that I've had; maybe that ice-cream in the middle of the night; maybe the lack of mood for running one morning; I was there and I could've changed something about it.

In conclusion, yes! I treasure myself! I care about myself that much that I can't say "I am just curvy, I feel normal". I love myself enough to accept who I am today, I acknowledge that I am living with a version of myself that needs considerable amounts of work and determination.

Nevertheless, loving myself doesn't equal starving or hurting my body/mind in any way; love doesn't involve hate - not even hating my body. This kind of love means healthy choices, exercise, happiness and relaxation.

I am willing to work on it.

7th day

Snack 6:15am a handful of peanuts.
Morning walk 6:55

WALKED 3.55 MI ON 9/4/15

DISTANCE

3.55mi

STEPS

8367

DURATION 

1:05:39

AVG PACE

18:31

Breakfast 8:15am: 2 slices of bread with White Caviar and salad. One more handful of peanuts.

6th Day

Breakfast: 6:30am One slice of bread with Eggplant Spread.
Morning Walk: 6:55

WALKED 1.83 MI ON 9/3/15

DISTANCE

1.83mi

STEPS

4314

DURATION 

34:05

AVG PACE

18:39

Snack: 9:00 Banana and apple.
Lunch: 12:00 2 slices of bread and 2 cups of Eggplant Spread.
Snack: Nectarine
Dinner: 3:30pm One slice of bread with White Caviar and tomato salad.

Fifth Day

Breakfast 6:30am: 1 slice of bread with tuna spread.

Morning Walk 6:55am

WALKED 3.52 MI ON 9/2/15

DISTANCE

3.52mi

STEPS

8315

DURATION 

1:03:27

AVG PACE

18:00

Snack 9:00am: 1 large nectarine

Lunch 12:00pm 1/2 Pollo Mexicano Potato with Salad and nuts

Snack: 1:30 pm1 Nectarine and few grapes

Snack: 4:00pm 1 Apple

Dinner 5:30pm Vegetables Rice with Grilled Chicken and Salad

Evening Exercise 6:30pm

RODE 3.07 MI ON 9/2/15

DISTANCE

3.07mi

DURATION 

31:14

AVG SPEED 

5.9 mph

KCAL

223

Fourth Day

6:30 am breakfast: one slice sprouted grain bread with one tablespoon of white caviar and 1/2 tomato.
6:55 am morning walk 3.59 miles.

wALKED 3.59 MI ON 9/1/15

DISTANCE

3.59mi

STEPS

8468

DURATION 

1:07:18

AVG PACE

18:45

8:30 am snack: one banana and 1 portion of cheese and crackers.
11:30 am lunch: 2 egg omelet with 1 tablespoon feta cheese and 1 tomato.
1:00 pm snack: one apple.
3:00 pm 1/2 potato (Jason's Deli Pollo Mexicano Potato); 1 corn bread muffin and 1 pumpkin seed and cheddar cheese cracker.

8:00 pm one nectarine

Third Day

6:30 breakfast: one slice of bread with butter and honey; a cup of green tea with lemon, ginger and honey.
7:30 morning walk 1.79 miles.

WALKED 1.79 MI ON 8/31/15

DISTANCE

1.79mi

STEPS

4230

DURATION 

31:08

AVG PACE

17:22

8:15 snack: banana.
10:00 lunch: a pepperoni and cheese sandwich with a cucumber and a tomato as a side.
12:00 snack: one apple and 2 mini croissants,
4:00 dinner french fries with tomato, pepper, onion and cucumber salad.
5:00 - 8:00 mowed the loan and cleaned up the front and backyard.
21:00 snack: 1 slice of watermelon.

All my cabinets have now the reminder: